Men Ruin Everything: Gym Edition


I would like to start this article with a small disclaimer: I am completely aware that not all men harass women when they go to the gym. Now that I’ve addressed the ‘not all men’ crowd, I can get to the point.  The point being that the gym, a place designed for self improvement and health, is consistently confused with some form of “dating realm.” Entering the gym as a woman can feel like walking down the stairs of Take Me Out, although the threat of several men hopped up on testosterone doesn’t quite compare to the prospects of the Isle of Fernando’s.

Instagram: _justjosephine_

Roughly two weeks ago, I had an albeit small but infuriating interaction with a man at my gym. This situation was not uncommon, but it did annoy me enough to rant on my fitness account’s instagram story @_justjosephine_ (sorry for the self-plug). The story I posted, in which I explained the situation, received the most engagement from any story I have posted in the year I have had the account. Many women and girls replied, expressing their frustration at my situation and how familiar it was to them. Less than a week later, a similar situation occurred and again, I ranted on my story. Although, this story had the fun addition of a man wolf whistling me whilst I was speaking. Under any other circumstance the irony would be quite funny, however this issue is far from funny. 

I don’t have the word count to recall every comment, look and gesture made towards myself over the years. But I think it’s important to give some accounts for context. When I was roughly 16, a man came up to me and said he was going to take the 25kg plates as he was sure I wouldn’t need them on the leg press machine. When I assured him I was capable of lifting the weight, he stayed to watch. I felt too uncomfortable to tell him to leave so I tried to ignore him, after finishing the set he remarked and I quote, “I don’t know why I doubted you could lift that weight with an arse like that”. Granted he shouldn't have doubted me, leg press is my strong suit, but the commentary on my adolescent bum was unnecessary to say the least. More recently, 3 days ago to be exact, a man roughly my parent’s age, informed me that my body was “tight” and “shapely”, as well as other general comments on my physique. I’m slightly more confident than I was at 16, so I told him his comments were inappropriate and had made me uncomfortable. Something about my discomfort seemed to amuse him. Rather than apologise and leave: he repeated himself, laughed, then proceeded to tell me I should be grateful. 

Male harassment in the gym is so common and these behaviours are deeply ingrained in gym culture, I must have missed that bit of the membership terms and conditions. The frequency with which myself and other women experience this harassment is genuinely shocking. I recently posted a story asking if people would be willing to share some of their experiences, and whilst I won’t go into detail about the number of stories I have received, I will mention a few I found particularly troubling. A girl, who is currently 18 told me she has had to move gyms twice because the same man somehow managed to plan his ‘workouts’ at the same time as her and watch her. She was 16 when this happened. Another girl said she frequently receives unwanted compliments and stares from men. Majority of women replied “too many to count”. For those of you who enjoy irony, one man replied to my story with “you look fit” and another dm’ed me stating “It’d be good for us to connect”. 

Instagram: _justjosephine_

Male harassment in the gym is so common and these behaviours are deeply ingrained in gym culture, I must have missed that bit of the membership terms and conditions. The frequency with which myself and other women experience this harassment is genuinely shocking. I recently posted a story asking if people would be willing to share some of their experiences, and whilst I won’t go into detail about the number of stories I have received, I will mention a few I found particularly troubling. A girl, who is currently 18 told me she has had to move gyms twice because the same man somehow managed to plan his ‘workouts’ at the same time as her and watch her. She was 16 when this happened. Another girl said she frequently receives unwanted compliments and stares from men. Majority of women replied “too many to count”. For those of you who enjoy irony, one man replied to my story with “you look fit” and another dm’ed me stating “It’d be good for us to connect”. 

These comments/interactions might sound innocuous, or even complimentary. However, it is important to note, words translated to this article don’t carry the full weight of the situation. What I mean by this is that being told “you look fit” may not sound all that bad. I don’t quite have the vocabulary to describe the visceral feeling and overwhelming fear that comes with these interactions. There’s always a threatening tone, an air of entitlement and expectations of gratitude mixed in with the “compliment.” I think a lot of men who attend the gym haven’t quite grasped the fact that myself and most women don’t value their opinions. It doesn’t matter how much you can bench press or that your vest is from Gymshark, saying I’m shapely won’t make me want to shag you. 

I’ve found over the years that there’s not much a woman can do, it doesn’t matter what we wear or what time we go. Gyms are a male dominated space, so there's little support from other women as so few go, or even feel comfortable to speak up. Other men who see these interactions tend not to intervene. Whether it’s because they don’t know what is happening or simply don’t care, is something I’m not sure of. Looking to the gym staff and trainers can go either way, a girl I know said her gym handled her harassment situation with quickness, whilst a trainer at my gym idly watched me be yelled at by a bodybuilding buffoon. Sometimes men even lie about being trainers, which further highlights how difficult it can be to seek help in the gym. With all this in mind, the only thing to do is move forward. There needs to be structural changes both in gyms and in mindset. Men who harass women in the gym (and everywhere else while we’re at it) stop doing that. Men who don’t harass women, intervene. It doesn’t take much to call other men out on their behaviour and if you don’t want to make a fuss, interrupt the conversation under the guise of borrowing a weight or something. It’s important that this conversation is had, however difficult it might be to acknowledge the guy who spots you, is the same man I avoid at all costs. It’s vital to remember that the way men treat other men in the gym, is not necessarily how they treat women. 

Instagram: _justjosephine_

There’s currently a movement on instagram: #gyminpeace created by @fitbeetraining, which essentially aims to gain support from gyms with a 0 tolerance policy, as well as educate on the issue. These are the first steps to seeing real progress. Many women who I spoke to want female only gyms and quite frankly I can see why, but I think a much easier solution is for more men to really reflect on the way they treat women in the gym and everywhere. Quite simply men need to understand women come to the gym for the same reason they do: for exercise. If you’re a woman who’s managed to get through my ramblings, I’m sorry this inevitably relates to you. If you’re a man who’s read this and isn’t inclined to dm me hate, congratulations on taking the first step to being an ally.

Article written by Josephine Ewoma

See her fitness page Just Josephine


 


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